How I See the World

They say I'm perceptive or intuitive because it's hard for them to fathom that I see something beyond what is there. No I am not just paying more attention or attaching more significance to smaller details that others are ignoring. No. It's not like that. Because when I see people I don't just see them. I hear them. I feel them. I embody them. Part of me becomes part of them. The way they think becomes the way I think. Their voice, their vision becomes mine. I can see what's behind the door they just cracked open even when all I can really see is the back of their head. I can see all of the things that had to happen for this moment to happen as if I lived them and I can see in the eye of my mind all of the things that could happen because of what is actually happening now. When I hear their voice in that moment, I can feel the resounding echoes left behind from the words spoken hours ago and draw from them the sounds of the words that are still to be spoken. Because those moments, the glimpses of those memories past or present don't just disappear. They create ripples in time and space that bounce back and forward from past to future to present creating imprints that can be absorbed and understood. 

So no, I don't just generalize or assume how people will act or treat one another. I see it. I feel it. All possible extensions of if. In that very moment, I live it all. Their past. Their present. Their future. Each indistinguishable from one another, intertwined and tangled in the mess of my mind, left for me to interpret and explain. Left for me to decide what should be said or unsaid. Leaving me to figure out which moments will help to explain or improve their relationships or which moments when exposed will explode like time bombs destroying everything in their path, including me. Because time is a sensitive thing. And it does not like to be bothered. 

But do not be mistaken. This is not the start of a story about a super hero or a genius. I am not special. I do not have powers or gifts. I simply see people as avatars in a game that I can choose to step into, to live their lives and feel their stories and then come back into my own. But I do not stay impartial as I think I was meant to. I hear their thoughts as my thoughts and yet my thoughts are better. I know their feelings as my feelings and still I can tell the difference because they can be distinguished if I let them. I allow my feelings to be felt stronger and my voice to be heard louder. I give more value and weight to the things that belong to me because suddenly I have forgotten that we are all one. I used to look at me and you and her and them and see different variations of the same being. I used to think that is me in a world and time where my life wasn't my life. But somehow now, the strings attached to the things I now call my own seem stronger and tighter, unable to allow my mind and my being to explore, to fathom what could and what might be, stopping me from understanding the actions and thoughts and words of others and limiting me to my own. 

So no, I am not special. I see everything you see. I feel it all too. I have just forgotten that me is you and you are me. Because why else would I cause pain to the people around me, if I remembered that we are all the same, an extension of one another, recreations of the same being, the same energy just spliced by time waiting to one day reunite.